Superhero Movie

Times Watched: 1
Watched With: Mr Rider @ FilmGarde KLP (27/04)
Snacks: Lychee Drink

oh. my. god.

Rick Riker (Drake Bell) is your everyday teenage loser nerd.
and he's pining for his secret love Jill Johnson (Sara Paxton).
and he lives with his Aunt Lucille (Marion Ross) & Uncle Albert (Leslie Nielsen).
one day he's bitten by a dragonfly and turns into a superhero.
and there's a villain The Hourglass (Christopher McDonald) who's actually his schoolmate's scientist father.

sound familiar?
well you're damn right it does.

i read a review in the papers that said this spoof-movie was better than a lot of recent others (like Scary Movie) because it decided to concentrated on just ONE main movie to spoof (in this case- Spider-Man) and it was because of this that the movie was better than the earlier spoof movies put out.

well to me. that is the reason it fails. miserably.

seeing this movie play out EXACTLY like the original movie it spoofs is not as entertaining as some people might think. seriously.

sure. you have cameos by Professor X (Tracy Morgan) and his wife (Regina Hall). you've got Wolverine (Craig Bierko), The Human Torch (Simon Rex) and The Invisible Girl (Pamela Anderson). and uncanny impersonations of Stephen Hawkings and Tom Cruise which might give you a chuckle or two.

but take it from me please.
don't bother watching this movie in the cinemas.
wait to borrow the dvd from your friend or something.
(mr-porno should be GLAD he couldn't make it for this movie)

and just a word of advice.
stay after the credits start rolling cos there are out-takes midway.
but sadly. the out-takes and deleted scenes are much funnier than the actual movie.
which is really really sad.

Final Verdict:

The Forbidden Kingdom

Times Watched: 1
Watched With: Mr Rider @ The Cathay (20/04)
Snacks: Potato Chips & Green Tea

anyone else been waiting for a Jet Li/Jackie Chan collab?

Jason Tripitikas (Michael Angarano) is your regular american teenager who obsesses over Bruce Lee and old Shaw Bros kung-fu movies.
and one day at his regular haunt - a pawn shop run by Old Hop (Jackie Chan) - things somehow take a turn for the fantastic and our boy is thrown way back in a different realm.

here he runs in to drunken immortal Lu Yan (Jackie Chan), Golden Sparrow (Liu Yifei) and The Silent Monk (Jet Li) who make it apparent to him that he is the 'Seeker' who had been foretold in an ancient prophecy that he would one day come and free The Monkey King (Jet Li) from his stone prison at the hands of the ruthless Jade Warlord (Collin Chou).

and so sets forth the adventure to find himself and his inner self as he and his comrades make their way to the Five Elements Mountain to bring peace back to the land and bring about the return of The Monkey King and the exiled Jade Emperor while fighting against the Jade Army and dodging the attacks of bounty hunter Ni Chang (Li Bing Bing)

i know i know.
some of you are probably going "ooooohhhhhh... alah this movie sounds like it's going to suck balls big time lah. but you're still handsome adam!"
well thank you. but don't jump the gun. about the movie i mean.

normally we see Chinese movies made for Hollywood (like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon) but it's nice for a change to see a Hollywood Chinese movie y'know?
that's right. this is an ENGLISH HOLLYWOOD movie.

and it may seem so too fantastic and too fantasy-based for you to like but keep in mind that it is loosely based on the epic Journey To The West and is pretty much a draw-back and tribute to the old school kung-fu movies y'know?

and i'll be honest.
i don't really like Jet Li. but it was really great to see the fight scenes between him and Jackie Chan. the fight sequences (choreographed by Woo-Ping Yuen no less) are solid and so is the cinematography and set design.

i know this may come as a surprise.
but i rather quite enjoyed this one.

Final Verdict:

Sleuth

Times Watched: 1
Watched With: Nobody @ The Cathay (19/04)
Snacks: Cup Corn & Green Tea

Sleuth /slu:0/ n [C] infml (esp. in films) a DETECTIVE

Andrew Wyke (Michael Caine) is a millionaire detective novelist whose wife has run off with actor Milo Tindle (Jude Law).
his ego can't take it so he invites Tindle to his high-tech home in the countryside to settle things like men.
and that means playing a game. with dangerous consequences.

this whole movie has a cast of 2.
and the whole BIG deal about it is that it had 4 british icons of film and theatre (actors Michael Caine & Jude Law, director Kenneth Branagh & screen-writer Harold Pinter) and it's based upon an award winning theatre play and is a remake of a 1972 original.

and because it's just as i've put it, i can't possibly reveal anything else or i'll have given the whole plot away. seriously.

but what i will tell you is this.

the only thing about this movie i enjoyed was the quick british wit displayed between the two leads.
it's always nice to see arrogant englishmen banter among themselves and it almost always seems so silky and charming.

and it's interesting that Michael Caine is starring in another movie remake where he starred in the older original as well.
(he starred in Jude Law's role of Tindle in the 1972 movie. other remakes of his own movies include Get Carter)
incidentally, Jude Law starred in Alfie which starred Caine in the original.

okay enough with the trivia and down to the bottom line.

don't watch this movie.
the reason i put the meaning of Sleuth at the the start is because it seems okay in the beginning but in the end you become a detective trying to find a good reason why you shouldn't curse this movie to death.

i read that the original 1972 had a different ending so i might try and check that out because it seems like a better twist.
but for this remake?
seems like such a waste of great british talent.

quick wits and british charm aside.
get the dvd instead.

Final Verdict:

Doomsday

Times Watched: 1
Watched With: Nobody @ The Cathay (18/04)
Snacks: Kachang Rebus & Green Tea

another virus movie? seriously?

so guess what?
a deadly virus called 'The Reaper Virus' has infected Scotland in 2008.
and as damage control, scotland is sealed off from the rest of britain ala great berlin wall style leaving the scots to die horrible infected deaths.

fast forward to the year 2035 and the rest of britain is pretty much reverting to the old laws of primal nature especially when the 'reaper virus' suddenly starts appearing among the numbers of london.

so shady government official Michael Canaris (David O'Hara) gets police chief Bill Nelson (Bob Hoskins) to get someone to lead a team into the infected and deserted Scotland to try and a professor Kane (Malcolm McDowell) and find a trace of a cure before the virus reaches catastrophic proportions in london.
so in steps Nelson's top agent - Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra).

she leads a team of soldiers (none of whom you will recognize i reckon) into a seemingly dead and deserted scotland.
yeah seemingly my arse.

in steps a group of rebel outlaws called the Marauders led by Sol (Craig Conway) and his army of weirdos and a gimp.
they're bent on keeping the world who shut them in and deserted them out and that means the soldiers who just arrived bub.

so ya lah it's one of those 'come-and-get-me-while-i-try-to-cure-the-virus' kind of flicks that most of you would probably roll your eyes at.
but not so fast.

in my opinion.
this movie was a roll-up of resident evil meets sex pistols meets escape from new york meets mad max meets night of the living dead meets king arthur meets 28 weeks later meets project gotham meets the slowest and most damageproof bentley ever.

sounds like a bad combo.
but this movie was oddly entertaining.
and pretty gory acually.

seems like a trite concept.
but somehow you kinda get drawn into the mix.
not the best. but it's worth a watch if you've nothing else on.

Final Verdict:

Street Kings

Times Watched: 1
Watched With: Mr Rider @ Bedok Princess (13/04)
Snacks: Double Cheeseburger

"We're the police. We can do whatever the hell we want."
no shite.

Tom Ludlow (Keanu Reeves) is a detective who takes the law into his own hands and does whatever it takes to get the bad guys.
(this includes illegally buying/selling drugs & guns and even just killing them and planting the evidence)
normally this wouldn't be tolerated but his boss Jack Wander (Forest Whitaker) knows it goes on and even allows it so he and the rest of his department (Jay Mohr, Amaury Nolasco & John Corbett) can take the credit and glory.

things get a little complicated when Lodlow's ex-partner Terrence Washington (Terry Crews) disapproves of the corrupt methods of Ludlow & his colleagues so he starts an investigation led by IA Officer James Biggs (Hugh Laurie).

and worse type?
Washington gets gunned down with Ludlow at the scene so it looks like a 'silencing job' so that the department's investigations go cold.

obviously Ludlow's not happy right?
so he and rookie cop Paul Diskant (Chris Evans) go on a vigilante hunt to find the real bad guys and make them pay. in blood.

from there things really take off.
more and more things start happening and more and more twists come into play and boy oh boy is the action really hot and heavy here.

it's been awhile since there's been an throw-em-down-drag-em-out-all-out "shoot 'em up & fuck 'em all" in the theatres and my friends this is it.

may seem complicated at the start.
but pay attention and it'll be fine.

and look out for familiar faces like Cedric The Entertainer, Common, The Game, Naomie Harris & Martha Higareda in there.
really made the movie all the more enjoyable.

Final Verdict:

Untraceable

Times Watched: 1
Watched With: Nobody @ The Cathay (12/04)
Snacks: Plain Water

just a note.
i went into this movie knowing that it flopped in the states.
big time.

Jennifer Marsh (Diane Lane) is an FBI agent dealing with cyber-crimes and the such and she's got a trusty side-kick colleague Griffin Dowd (Colin Hanks).

things are pretty normal at work until a website comes up that invites people to view as a subject gets tortured and eventually killed.
the catch?
the more people log on to the site to view - the faster the person dies.
typical huh.

in comes Detective Eric Box (Billy Burke) to help in the investigations as the whole lot of them race against time to try and save the helpless victims and nab the killer before more people are killed. and how long before the killer starts killing their own?

*GASP*

yeesh.
i should have known better.
i know it sounds like a cool idea but it's all been done before right?
and yeah i know you're going "eh got gore right?"
well the gore was more worth it in Saw 4 (and Saw 4's gore wasn't even that good) so you know this movie had some shite killings.

old concept.
old story.
old actress.
old old old.

don't say i didn't warn you.

Final Verdict:

Funny Games

Times Watched: 1
Watched With: Nobody @ The Cathay (11/04)
Snacks: Peanut Butter M&Ms & Green Tea

hmmmmmm... how do i put this...

George, Anne (Tim Roth & Naomi Watts) & their son Georgie (Devon Gearhart) arrive at their summer house by the lake with the intention of a relaxing vacation getaway with the regular vactioners and neighbours.

what they didn't count on was Paul (Michael Pitt) & Peter (Brady Corbet) showing up rather strangely and the 2 young upstart strangers suddenly take the family hostage within the house and force the family to take part in rather weird (and rather sadistic) 'games'.
and even take the bet that the family will be dead within the next 12 hours and challenge them to prove otherwise.
so who'll get the most out of this one huh?

i'll have to say.
after i watched the movie i was kinda at a loss for words.
these are EXACT words i heard from the rest of the movie-goers when the end credits started rolling. seriously.

"fuck lor i sleeping halfway"
"waste my time wasted my money"
"fuck you lah james"
"it's damn lame lor"
"whose idea was this?"
"next time i choose the movie"
"how was i supposed to know?"
"i don't understand"

and here's my take.
after reading up on the movie and the Austrian original (this is an exact remake of the original film by the very same director) i understood it a bit more.

and to be honest it was actually a very very clever idea.
but maybe it was too cerebral for the people in the theater.
(friday late night maybe they didn't feel like thinking much)
but maybe after you a bit of reading-up after watching this movie then maybe you too might catch some of the themes in this movie that escape us at the time.

but i guess in the end it turned out to be another vanity project for director Michael Haneke who made a pretty good foreign film and wanted to make his bucks in the states.

like i said. clever. but not so clever.
whatever that means.

Final Verdict:

The Orphanage

Times Watched: 1
Watched With: Miss Hana, Mr & Mrs Porno & Mr Rider @ FilmGarde KLP (05/04)
Snacks: None

what a creepy little kid.

Laura (Belén Rueda) was once an orphan.
and now that she's all grown up, she's returned to her childhood orphanage (which is now a house) with her husband Carlos (Fernando Cayo) and adopted son Simón (Roger Príncep) in the hopes of converting it into a home for disabled/special children.

but after the sudden visit of social worker Benigna (Montserrat Carulla) things suddenly start to take a turn for the creepy.
and the old orphanage is starting to reveal itself as being more than just an ordinary old orphanage where the children used to laugh and play.

so this spanish movie got rave reviews when it opened there.
and being produced by Guillermo del Toro would have immensely helped it popularity i reckon.

i'll admit it gave me a few shocks.
(come on man. the worst type of ghost to fuck with is children ghosts)
but this spooky suspenseful ghost story is REALLY draggy.
and i don't mind all the talking but somehow it manages to make its 2 hour run seem so much longer than it really is.

but the kid with the sack mask (as seen first HERE) was actually creepy.
but i can't help but mention that he seems like a cheap rip-off of Jason Vorhees from Friday The 13th.
because if you remember, Jason wore a sack over his head for the first 2 movies as well before he switched to the hockey mask)

but still.
if you're going to watch this movie then go with friends so you can either shock together or laugh together at the scenes.
if you go alone you might fall alseep.

Final Verdict:

The Bucket List

Times Watched: 1
Watched With: Nobody @ The Cathay (05/04)
Snacks: Potato Wedges & Green Tea

people used to ask what you'd like to be when you grew up.
well. but what do you want to be when you die?
(i'll ask again later.)

Carter Chambers (Morgan Freeman) is a mechanic, husband to a loving wife, father of 3 & diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.

Edward Cole (Jack Nicholson) is a filthy rich tycoon, diagnosed with cancer, and ironically owns a number of hospitals when the business philosophy is "I run hospitals, not health spas. Two beds to a room, no exceptions."

and it is this philosophy that Cole is placed in a room with Chambers in the other bed while the 2 are in hospital for respective treatments.
and over the months, a strong bond grows between the 2 and after a bit of thought they decide to do up a 'bucket list'.
that is, things to do before they kick the bucket.

they do everything from skydiving to racing muscle cars.
and it's all good and fun.

but this gives way to more serious matters.
and things on the list that aren't going to be struck off by throwing money around.

i (surprisingly) really loved this movie because it really pulls at your heart-strings from both ends.
because on one hand you have Chambers, the family man who has everyone around him and has lived his life to common expectations.
and on the other hand you have Cole who may have riches and all that but is ultimately alone.

i always enjoy Jack Nicholson's performances and Morgan Freeman and he have a great chemistry in this movie. tie it in with Cole's long-suffering personal assistant Thomas (Sean Hayes) and cap it all off.

so what you want to be when you die?
what would like to have accomplished?
which of these 2 men would you like to be?
no need to think so hard my friends.
but if you need help, then watch this movie.
it might just push you in the direction you'd want to go.

and in the movie it's said,
"We live, we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round."

amen.

Final Verdict:

Teeth

Times Watched: 1
Watched With: Mr Rider @ GV Europa (03/04)
Snacks: None

i know what you're thinking.
it figures i'd watch a movie titled 'Teeth' after my surgery right?

well Dawn (Jess Weixler) is a teenager who promotes chastity.
she believes you should save it for marriage.
but here's the thing.
and there's no easy way to say it. so i'll just say it.
Dawn's vagina has teeth.

seriously.

apparently there's a myth called 'Vagina Dentata' (click on it) which literally translates to 'Toothed Vagina'.
and this is supposed to translate a myth where it's bad for a man to have sex with a woman before marriage else the teeth go-a-chomping.
and yes. i feel squeamish when i think about it too.

well i wasn't before i watched the movie.
but i reckon you might be too after you watch it.

throw in a pervo stepbrother.
throw in 2 pervo would-be boyfriends.
throw in a pervo gynaecologist.
and it sounds like a real severed sausage fest doesn't it?

well besides the very sordid (yet creative) idea...
i'm sorry but this movie gets REALLY predictable after awhile because there is obviously NOWEHERE else to go except the inevitable directions set from the beginning of the movie.

yeah this is a dark comedy.
some funny parts. some squeamishy parts.
but nothing worth the price of admission.

wait for the dvd.
but if you go watch it in the cinema - don't bring a girl.
else she might get some ideas. *chomp chomp* : |

Final Verdict: